Yesterday I was ironing before church and a thought came to mind. I was thinking about me now and the me in high school. Is it sad that I was thinking how much I miss the me in high school and don't really care for who I am now?!?!
The things I wanted most when I finished high school were to get married and have kids. I LOVED babies! I got married a year out of high school. Two months later I was pregnant with Braxton. Life was crazy. We have spent our whole marriage trying to survive. For almost 12 years we have been broke, stressed, and exhausted!
When I graduated high school I was spunky, outgoing, skinnier than right now, and I loved life. For so long I have been trying to take care of everyone else. Slowly I feel like all those things have disappeared. I have become someone that I swore I would never become. I said I would never be overweight. I said I would never yell at my kids. I said I would never be lazy. Slowly all of those things have happened while I've become more tired.
This year I am going to try really hard to spend more time on me. I want that person back. I want ME back. I want to be better for my kids, for Dave, for my family, for my friends, for the people who don't know the REAL me. I don't know how, I still have to figure that out, but I NEED to find me.
Does anyone else ever feel like this?! Or am I just totally off my rocker?!
1 comment:
I have totally felt this way before. For me, it comes in phases. Sometimes I'm really content. I think the thing that helps me the most is trying really hard not to care what other people are thinking of me. I always plummet downward if I start reading blogs whose authors seem so overly perfect, or comparing myself to friends who seem to have it all together. If I just do my best, and try to do something every day to take care of myself, I am so much happier. I'm not trying to be preachy, just telling what helps me. It's always a work in progress! Being a Mom is hard!
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